Justin Oliver

Really!? by Justin Oliver

so, apparently I’m the biggest creep Anyone has ever seen.
let me explain.
so one of my friends just happened to find a way to get the Internet in here.
i mean, I dont want to get too much into it (because I have no idea how it actually works) but from what I understand it involves pirating some sort of signal from WiFi. really cool hacker shit I’m told. but I’m pretty sure someone just stuck a phone under their nuts and snuck this thing in.
but whatever, I’ll humor them. so long as I get to use the damn thing.
anyway, so we have this “pirated device” that allows us internet access. which I’m sure by the word “pirated” he means “not” pirated, and “device” just means phone (that Im sure this guys mom or girl is simply paying for.)
but just this close nit group know about it and actually use it. fuck everyone els. they can’t be trusted. (because they might do something stupid like BLOG to the world about it. AMIRIGHT?!)
(I doubt anyones actually reading this anyway.)
but just in case you are, don’t go narking on me,DICK!
ANYWHO, so what we do is basically share this thing. a couple hours here, a few over there. I get to hold it until lockdown, he gets to use it overnight. that sort of thing.
now mind you, 99.9% of its usage is going toward the search of Asian porn. (and that’s just the facts!) and from what I can tell from these guys un-deleted search history.
and just as a side note, you think you know a guy?
well, you don’t REALLY KNOW, know a guy, until you see his porn site search history.
THAT much I can tell you!
we’re talking about some top level telling shit here!
discoverd porn site search history’s have broken up ENGAGEMENTS!
sent couples to therapy!
& had reluctant girlfriends doing teary eyed Google searches at 3am for the vary hard to sound out japanese words.
(men! delete your porn site search history!)
anywho, everybody who uses the phone just assumes everyone else is also looking at porn.
well, that is until today, when everyone’s porn bubble was busted (along with the bubble that enabled their Christian dogmatic belief system to carry on unchallenged, from the way THEY were acting), when I forgot to erase my search history,& low & behold, all my friends found out my vary unnatural amusement for Korean high school soap operas.
(yes, god was dead.& in that moment my friends looked into the void that was once their well known prison friend, Justin Oliver.& like that Nietzschean void, I stared back, with a smile only a Korean TV show could give me.)
while all of a sudden, in their eyes, I become the sickest son-of-a-bitch anyone has ever seen. because I just happen to NOT be a sexual deviant.
(I know, I know,what nerve! especially for long held prisoner like myself.)
like’ , you should have seen how these guys were looking at me!
it was like they just found out their best friend of 20 years NOT ONLY voted for trump, but was one of those crazy pro-life supporters THIS WHOLE TIME.
it was like I just told them that I DIDN’T really care for guacamole.
& thought Christianity was more a well propitiated fairly tale then an actual occurrence of recorded events.
ALL wrapped up in one!
i mean one of them actually asked me, out loud, “who ARE you?” while slowly shaking his head, with a look of both shock and disgust plastered a crossed his face.
they actually had a MEETING about this. THATS how serious they were making it. (and here’s the kicker!)
afterwhich, they made me PROMISE to ONLY use the internet for porn usage, ONLY. like a “normal person”. (their quote’s)
and NOT for my “sick”, south korean TV perversion.
actually I think the word “fetish” was used. and this was coming from the guy who’s porn site search history revealed he searched the words: “Asian”, “anal”, and “fisting”.
and mind you, that was ONE search, containing ALL three words, and he kept the thing for 3 HOURS!
THAT being an example of socially acceptable behavior, I guess.
so yeah, i agreed to the terms. but let me tell you…I. AM. NOT. happy about this.

Will Eun-Byul end up with bad boy Tae-Kwang, or swim star Yi-An?
Will everyone discover that Eun-Byul is actually her twin sister, Eun-bi?
And what about So-young? Will she EVER get what’s comming to her?!
because there’s only ONE thing creepier then being a full grown man who just happens to like the sheer absurdity of south Korean high school soap operas, and that’s liking them SO much that you both lie to your prison friends, AND sneak to watch them, on a device that the officer’s would probably beat you to DEATH with if they ever caught you using.
ESPECIALLY! if you were watching a south Korean TV show.
they’d almost be morally obliged to do so! even if they k!led me.
as they all know, no jury in Lebanon county would convict them.
now Maybe if I was watching porn. as you just don’t beat a man to death when he’s watching porn.it ain’t right.(he’s already doing that to himself!)
but if i did sneak, i’d have to make up fake stories about all the “porn” you’ve been watching, in some weird, backwards attempt to cover your “tracks.”
leaving fake history’s for them to find.
naw, its just too much.
but there’s SO many amusing things to love about this weird ass south Korean TV show. for one , the randomness of it all. for instance, the characters will often wear clothes with random-ass American quotes on them, that most times make absolutly no sense.
its almost like they don’t have a single english speaking american to check this stuff out.
for Instance, the other day, this girl wore a shirt that read: “I dont need life; Im high on drugs.”
that type of quality amusement is far better then porn, any day!
except for when you want to watch porn, of course.
anyway, now I gotta be the “creepy” friend for the next week or so.
(I swear, my friends are dousch bags!)
but thats just a day here at Lebanon.
until tomorrow.

Justin Oliver
DOC #610338

Categories: Justin Oliver

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