But Your Too Young For That.. by Kameron Crowder

So I have Congestive heart Failure, I’ve had it now since July 9, 2016. I’ve been incarcerated since Feb 16, 2017. I had a defibrillator placed in my heart May 12, 2017 only to have the surgery cut short because i was going into cardiac arrest so the surgery was cut short. December 5, 2017 while playing basketball i went into V-Tach, or in simpler terms my heart rate was close to 185 beats per minute, it shut down and after 4 attempts at reviving me the defibrillator finally worked so basically i was deceased for 9 minutes and 18 seconds. Usually people aren’t “Normal” after these type of occurrences and honestly I dont really know how to feel about it really, I’ve had a lot of close calls in my life, I’ve been grazed in the head by a .223 in shootouts, hit in the head and face with glass bottles but nothing to the extent of what im going through now. Life is much simpler for me now, the things that used to move me no longer matter, the people who i cherished so much have faded away, it is only me and God now. You know i have a saying i tell people.. We’re not incarcerated for the things we got caught doing it’s the things we did that nobody except God has saw that got us in the situations we’re in now or atleast thats how i feel about my situation. Every heart beat means so much more to me now and i take the time to appreciate the seconds i have on this earth. You know we were all destined to die and i knew that since a young age but with death knocking at my door so rapidly I find myself scrambling to do things as if my time here is limited and it is.. all of our time is limited we as people just tend to think that as ‘Humans” we make the rules of life and that is so far from the truth. I’ve had just about anything a person could want in a material life, nice houses, plenty of cars, very expensive ones at that, plenty of diamonds and gold, plenty of women, more money than the law allows, owner of several businesses but I’ve never “Worked” a legal job since i can remember being old enough to think for myself, I had power, Nobody was actually Loyal to me it was Loyalty to what I did for them. I’ve been the “Man” since High School, I went to college Won 2 Juco National Championships, then Texas Christian University (Go Horned Frogs!!!) and before I could get somewhere with that life i got into some trouble that ended up with me eventually going to TDC (Texas Department of Corrections) for 4 years 11 months & 18 days on a 5 year bid.. one of my favorite songs is now the theme for my life.. aint it funny how life changes.. I didnt know who or what to be mad at then and I find myself fighting those same feelings now September 18, 2018. Honestly inside I know where I messed up. I made plans without involving God and I believe he decided to sit me down before I really hurt myself because no doubt that’s exactly where I was headed. Today I’m a Man. Yesterday I was a boy pretending to be a Man. Tomorrow I will be greater than I was Yesterday even if it’s only by a centimeter I will grow. I will no longer allow my fleshly desires control how I live my life. I will submit to Gods will and give myself to him because only he knows what he has planned for me. I’d rather be alive in Prison than be dead in the streets.. Im FREE mentally and thats all that matters to me. Living with Congestive Heart Failure isn’t what I had planned for my 35th birthday.. It wasn’t even in my plans for 70 but here I find myself today the happiest I’ve been ever. My lady left with the kids, my “friends” are long gone, hell even my family is distant but losing all those material items and phony people in my life has opened up so much more time and space for me to love the one thing that can give me everything and that is God.. So when people say to me Well your too young for that I always reply by who’s standards yours or God’s? I know my time here is very limited but Today I will live like it’s my last.. until next time

Kameron Crowder
DOC #115754
Kansas Department of Corrections