Nicole Bradley

Too Negative? by Nicole Bradley

I need everyone’s opinion on something. It was recently brought to my attention from a good friend that she thought about not writing any more because she says my mail is too negative, and that I need to write more about my positive experiences in here. Look, I couldn’t sleep last night cause I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I am in prison. And every day is a negative experience for me. Positive experiences for me are very rare in here FOR ME, unless if it’s a visit, phone call, or mail. When I write my friends, I give them a chronological run-down of my day. I don’t do it to be negative. I write it to let you know what happens with me every moment of my day. Anyone writing me should know that being in prison isn’t a good experience. It’s a miserable place, and messed up things keep happening to me. If I was a big, aggressive, shot-calling, baller in here then maybe life will be easy for me in here. But others target me, and situations keep happening CONSTANTLY. While those in the free-world are struggling to work and pay bills and raise kids and taking advantage of the precious things in their lives like the FREEDOM to make their own choices, every thing I do in here is DICTATED by someone else. I don’t get to choose what I eat, what I wear, what I sleep on, etc… I write about my day. And to be honest, I don’t tell you EVERYTHING that goes on with me even though you think I might cause I tell you so much of what happens. I am an honest person who has nothing to hide and pours my heart out into sharing my experiences with you. If I only tell you the positive things, there will be NOTHING to write about. My mail would be superficial. And I’d be so worried about being negative that I would hold back on what I write. And then you’d be oblivious to the misery I suffer here. I have told you about bunky issues, or when someone was harassing me and bullying me. But, I don’t tell you I have to wash my hands and brush my teeth with BOILING water cause that is the only water that comes out of my sink. I don’t tell you how the majority of my roommates have made unwanted sexual advances on me, and I go to sleep worried about being raped. I’ve had to go through so much in here. I was recently bullied, had my room raided 3 times in one month and my belongings thrown away, had an officer open my cell and locker for another inmate, go through back pain because my bed is hard as a rock, having to lift heavy stuff in a kitchen even though I have a doctor’s note saying I’m not supposed to, suffer anxiety because people keep rudely jumping out at me from behind, go through humiliation, suffer great depression from missing my family, having to guard the few possessions I have cause I’m constantly robbed, etc… I’m sorry, but my life in here is hell. And for someone to tell me I should write more positive stuff, then that means they have NO IDEA what life is like for me in here. Anyone writing me should be aware that if they can’t handle that so much bad stuff keeps happening to me in here, then they have no empathy. People give up on me regularly. And I’m grateful for those that have remained in my life. I’m blessed in that area. But you wrote an inmate to offer encouragement, right? I know that you might have problems going on in your lives. And I’m not insensitive to that. But, the next time you sleep on your soft bed, or wash your hands with cold water, sit in front of your air conditioner, go to a park or beach or movies or restaurant, pick up your kids from school, even have kids, work for a paycheck, turn that unlocked door knob, inventory your possessions, walk down the street unmolested, hug a loved one, or anything else in your life, remember that I DON’T have that privilege. Every day I have to worry about being attacked, being locked in a cell the size of a small bathroom (with a toilet next to my bed), being harassed and humiliated, and having to fight for a freedom most of you take for granted. So, should I not tell you what I go through? Is it too negative for you? Instead of saying what I write is too negative, others should think about how blessed they are they don’t have it like me. And instead of downing me for not having any positive experiences to discuss, I should be encouraged. people should stick by my side to encourage me to not give up. Cause every day is a battle for me. So, please give me your opinion. Should I not disclose my experiences so you can sleep better at night and not be anxious to hear from me? Am I too self absorbed with my problems? I’m just being real. And if you write another inmate that only writes about positive prison experiences they are not being real with you. They’re being fake. Now it’s your turn to tell me what you think. Hit me up at WWW.JPAY.com.

Nicole Bradley
DOC #W82508

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