Walter T. Ballard

Is It Too Late pt.1 by: Walter Ballard

hello world! let me start off by saying thank you for your time followed by a question that I feel needs to be asked from time to time. ” do you ever feel that its to late to fully become who it is your suppose to become?” I’m an optimistic type of guy and always look at my cup as half full, but its days I wake up and feel that I’ve reached my peak in life and there is no elevating after this. don’t get me wrong world I’m doing my part in bettering myself and making sure I obtain every tool available in my position for a successful return to society as a free man, so its not like I’ve given up or became stagnant with life itself its just one of those days for me and wondering world do you have those days as well. to some it may feel as a rhetorical question because who doesn’t have those days when they feel they’ve hit a wall to self-improvement and growth. I’m here to tell those very people that there are some that has never seen their value and feel that no matter what they do to better themselves or their situation nothing seems to be working. so what do we say to those people who need reassurance? what do you do to clear your mind from self destructive thoughts? some people would say stop bringing it up, but not holding things in is as productive as not putting negative energy into the unviverse. even though there’s evidence everyday that we still have a long way to go with discriminating and equal opportunity for everyone I don’t see a specific color or race with this problem. it can be anybody that feels stuck in one place. would you agree that it could be from a lack of resources in a community. I know there is in the prison community. would it help If people had a feeling of comfortability and security from their support systems. from my point of view I think it would. allow me to touch on the subject for a minute. I’ve been locked up going on 9 years and both resources and support systems are very limited. I’ve dealt and is still dealing with “policy” telling me I have to much time to get into a certain program. not carrying about or not taking into consideration those who have an opportunity for early release. a policy pretty much telling me,”you have too much time to better yourself, so we’re not gonna help you.” so with a policy hindering me from growth when I want it what’s the point. now I’ve found ways around that because I’m determined for change and a better me, so I’ve paid out of pocket for programs outside of prison just to further my transformation. having to choose between buying soap, detergent, other necessities and sometimes little snacks that are feel good foods to do so. now I’m not saying that success doesn’t take sacrifices because it does. but when your making only $9 a month those choices become harder and harder to make. on top of that I’ve lost so many friends some by choice and others because they have their on journey and tribulations and helping me is the last thing they think about, and then you have those who just blatantly lie to your face instead of being honest. I’ve been in the system since I was 13-14 so my relationship with my family is just not there. so how do I keep faith and stay positive about my chances in the future. then some of us try the pen pal thing out for the right reasons, but so many people has been burnt that I have no luck. correspondence with family is key to a persons growth. friendships and companions is key to wanting to step to the next level because that person is happy and want those around them happy. harmony in relationships helps bring success. I’m grateful that I’m one of the few that was awakened by the time given. I know what I want out of life and what my purpose is. “a life without purpose is death within itself.” so is it too late for those who don’t know their purpose and feel there isn’t anybody to help them figure it out. especially when the only thing in their vision is double digit prison bids and misunderstood,misguided,and miserable people all around them. I’m one of the fortunate to realize my value and the heights I can reach and still I sometimes get sucked into the misery, the hopelessness, and the negative conversations, so for a moment try and imagine those in/out prison who doesn’t know and surrounded by the same destructive elements. I know I’ve talked from a prisoner point of view but a sad example of this is the alarming rate of kid suicides. I saw something on the news last week about an 8 year old killing herself because of the bullying. I believe that if that little girl really knew her value and the opportunities she had were unlimited would she have chosen that horrible ending. there are a lot of stories like this that not only fit this subject but many more. this is my first blog and just something that was eating at my heart. I hope I expressed the urgency in support and love that people need in the world. I’m not the best and still have a long way to go but everyday I try to encourage instead of giving reasons not to. I speak and say hi to strangers even though in this environment its looked at as weird or believing to having a hidden agenda. no hidden agenda just the knowledge of knowing that saying hi to someone can help build that persons confidence. (fact) it took me 30 years to figure out my value and what I can become. it also took 30 years to learn how to sincerely want to help others see theirs as well. thank you for your time world and hope to interact with people with opinions,questions and topics that are constructive as well. my name is Walter Ballard #627-547 and thankful I have the opportunity to be part of solutions instead of the problem.

Walter Ballard
DOC #627-547

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Categories: Walter T. Ballard

2 replies »

  1. Hi Walter, I’m out in the society, also feeling lost and that it’s too late for changes. I haven’t have luck in work, always encounter difficult people at work. Now I have been unemployed for more than half a year. I’m thinking if I should just change to another area, learn and start from the bottom. But it seems so scary and hard.

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