It’s amazing how God brings us to being humble & how He gives us the opportunity to be delivered from darkness, lies & bondages. I never would have imagine being greatful for being incarcerated with 34 years to serve. Some or many might not understand such a greatfulness.
I lived a long life of consistent crimes, specifically involving drugs which led to a lot of people suffering including myself. And over a great length of time I’ve been back & fourth in prison serving time that I took lightly which led me to taking the freedom God gave me for granted. My experience with drugs started off early around the time I was about 8-10. I remember it was like yesterday when me & my younger brother heard my mother scream from downstairs. About time we got to her she was on the floor hand on her chest crying for help. I didn’t want to leave her so I told my 4-6 year old brother to go tell the neighbor our mom needed help. The last thing I remember from that night was that that was the last time I ever really held my mother. Find out it was her first time smoking cocaine. It seem from that point I went from her spoiled baby to her worst enemy & she put so much fear in me I don’t think I never truly experienced fear for another human being. And I’m not really sure but that’s when I believe I looked to the neighborhood to replace her attention which I now realize was the beginning of many of my terrible decisions.
It was times my mother expressed her dislike of me selling drugs then it was times where she gave me her version of 101 drug dealing, maybe she felt the best way to protect me from the streets was to teach what she knew about them, I don’t know, it just seem to fit our then screwed up communication . When I met Kydada Lewis it was literally love at first sight. The more we grew inseparable the more my mother disapproved of our relationship. At the age of 16 & 17 Kydada was pregnant with our first child Davon. I remember one cold morning we skipped school. Between that & my mother’s usual hateful morning attitudes after a long joyful party night she woke up with nothing but get out & cussing on her tongue. She initially wanted to throw Kiki(Kydada) & my unborn child out, but after I swore if Kiki left I was going too, she with no hesitation threw both of our young dumb, lazy immature asses out. It was the first time I really ever went against my mother & even though my heart was beating 100 mph my mind was made up. As we walked down the street all I could think about was what just happened & what we go do. Thank God for Kim Bethel who was there for us that day & others later on. I had been kicked out before but that felt different. Me & my mother relationship finally hit rock bottom especially when I despised her addiction & her allowing me & my younger siblings to be separated, especially my little sister who I actually looked at as my daughter cause I was forced but enjoyed taking care of her a lot. I eventually allowed my self to believe I hated my mother to the point we didn’t communicate for about 12 years. I allowed my mind to replace my mother with Kiki & in that she became my world. We struggled as a young couple with many things but we managed to get through them until the day I was faced with the hardest reality I had to accept even till this day. Around the time my son was around 2 years old me & Kiki relationship was far from the inseparable puppy love that made us lose sight of everything outside of us. I was now full fledge in the streets & in the process Kiki was now caught up in her friends & street activities. For a while I begin hearing through our friends & associates that Kiki was getting high, but I didn’t want to believe it, so it went in one ear & out the other. Until one day which I will never forget, I came home from being locked up for about 2 & a half years. One of my friends picked me up & on our way to see Kiki & our 2 oldest children he slightly hinted that Kiki had become a different person. Finally I got to her apartment & knocked on the door before I can hear her say come in. When I came in my heart dropped to my stomach from what I saw. I never seen a house so torn apart & when I looked up the stairs I saw a person that I wish I never wouldve saw & from the look on her face she wished I wouldnve seen her neither. Our reaction & conversation was unlike us. For me because my eyes begin tearing up & the lump in my throat was so unbearable I could barely talk or look at her. Our conversation was very short, she told me the kids was at her aunt house & for a moment I looked in her eyes & the only response I had was to sadly tell her I love her before walking out. She say when I left she just fell to the ground & cried like a baby. When I got in the car I couldn’t talk nor look at my friend & he sadly ask was I good. As time passed I begin to force myself to hate her by telling myself she betrayed me like my mother & from there I tried to make her life hell with all kinds of disrespect. The two women whom I once loved & adored I now hated & believed hated me. And now when I think about it I find myself upset with myself because out of anybody I’m confident I could’ve saved them, but honestly I didn’t understand their addiction/struggles & I was stuck on they hurt me. I share this story to point out that anybody can be led to falsely judge & act or not act because of misunderstanding & to make it known that my experience with drugs wasn’t just about selling drugs but much more deeper & so that those who are just looking at addicts as a means of profit or and as someone of no value can open their eyes & see that that addict was once or still is considered precious to someone & still is a human being crying out for help with a severe problem. Extending a hand is always better than turning a back because it already puts you in position to receive help when the tables are turned.
Davin Wallace
DOC #1101851
