“Feeling Hurt” by Furnell Brown

Hello Mr. Brown,

In this crazy world of ours, sometimes we often are oblivious to the fact that those who are often the “quiet” ones are those who are quite often the ones who feel the most.

I can relate to your story because during my formative years, I was often the quiet and intellectual one in my family. I was the ONE in my family who excelled at everything that I chose to undertake because I was an overachiever and always in honor roll student. Fast forward to three years ago when I met my fiancé, who is currently incarcerated and someone that i consider to be my best friend in the whole wide world. Someone from the exterior, you would NEVER figure to be an emotionally sensitive person because he comes across as a “bad boy” with an outer coating strong as steel. Nonetheless, he’s the most down to earth person, someone who believes in telling the truth at all cost even if it means the possibility of losing a friendship or unintentionally hurting another’s feelings. He has a 27 year old daughter that unfortunately due to this long incarceration, was not able to physically raise her on his own. Her maternal grandparents assumed custody, as the mother was considered the “town whore” and slept with just about every man in town and ended up having children with an additional six other men during her lifetime. Needless to say, his daughter alleges that she considers herself to be “Daddy’s little girl,” however her actions do not match this claim. My fiancé is currently in the last stretch of his incarceration. He’s currently in an assessment and treatment center where is attending classes during the morning hours. He shares in his classes his past experiences on the outside world how his actions and behaviors can be attributed to how he ended up being incarcerated and what steps he needs to take in order to avoid making the same mistakes going forward in the future. This particular assessment center is located in a very urban area, which his daughter considers to be in New Jersey’s most dangerous neighborhoods, therefore out of her fear for her safety, she will not venture out to visit him with her now three month daughter or my fiancé’s first grandbaby. My fiancé was excited and so looking forward to a contact visit with his daughter and grandbaby this past Thursday, however when I relayed her text message to her Father, he was literally “crushed” and sobbing on the phone, As his future wife, I was uncertain how to console him. The subject of his daughter has always been such a touchy subject for him. He’s come to the realization that he “messed up” by missing out on her growing up, therefore right now in this very moment, he’s doing everything within his limited power to reconnect with her. He mentioned the more that he attempts to reconnect with her, the harder that she appears to pull away, however she’s the who’s complaining about not being able to see her Father. His daughter has the luxury of owning a car and is being supported by her much older boyfriend, some twenty years old boyfriend by the way. When I responded to her insensitive and cold text message of blaming her Father for his own incarceration, I simply relayed the message that her Father is tired of begging or asking her to visit him and that he will wait until he comes home (in 22 months) to deal with her. With that, she contacted her aunt (my fiancé’s sister) to bitch and complain that I am keeping her from her Father when she’s the ONE who refuses to set aside time to visit him during his incarceration at the state prison and now, at the assessment center. I fired off at his sister that for starters, she shouldn’t be meddling in others business because this misunderstanding between Father and daughter has NOTHING to do with her. Secondly, why is his daughter changing her tune about going to visit his Father now? 2-3 weeks ago, she was excited to visit him for Father’s Day because we had plans to meet up together. I find his daughter’s behavior disturbing because her words do NOT match her actions. To me, it all feels like a bunch of bullshit or “lip service” if you ask me.

I have plans to visit him this coming Thursday, June 21st because this past week has been an emotionally challenging one for him and I always worry about him. Although he’s weathered some difficult situations in his lifetime, I believe that he’s emotionally vulnerable right now more than ever and my main purpose of my visit is to reassure him that no matter comes his way, he will NOT have to experience it alone because I will always be right beside him. After all, he’s been my best friend for the past three years and four months now. Always ready to listen to me, give advice when asked, however more than anything, he supports me and ALL of my endeavors 100%. I love him for accepting me and ALL of my flaws, quirks, and the idiosyncrasies that make me ME. He knows how to make me laugh, especially when I am feeling stressed out. And he never forgets to send me his handmade cards for all the special occasions as well. The simple things that most people take for granted, I LOVE and cherish with ALL of my heart. I cannot imagine my life going forward without him because he is a BIG part of me now. Because of him, I am forever thankful for opening BOTH my heart and mind to be able to see other people’s perspective on life and not just my own limited views. He’s taught me the importance of OPEN COMMUNICATION AT ALL TIMES as well because communicating is a big part of our relationship. We may not always agree with one another, however he knows how I feel about things that I hold dear to my heart such as racial/income/gender disparity, civil and human rights, Criminal Justice and social reform, intervention in America’s juveniles prior to them having to face the Criminal Justice system, etc. I am a sophomore at the local university studying Criminal Justice, Psychology, and Pre-law because I want to go to law school upon completion of my Bachelor’s degree. I am hoping to become a Prosecutor defending juveniles from a lifetime of incarceration by coming up with alternatives to jail and/or prison. My inspiration is Mr. Adam Foss, a former Prosecutor from the Boston, MA area. I saw a TED video in my Criminal Justice class, which really opened my eyes to the disparity which exists within our Criminal Justice system for people of color, which I feel is complete unfair and simply unjust. With the current Administration in the White House right now, every time I turn on the TV, I am simply disgusted by what I hear and see on a daily basis because the disconnect with the President and every day people cannot be stated enough times.

Enough for now. As you can see, I have a LOT to say about a lot of things because thanks in part to my fiancé, he’s opened up my eyes of the disparity that exists in this great country of ours. Hopefully, once I graduate from law school, I can do my part in trying to make this world a little better than it is right now.

Take care of yourself,
Naomi AKA Frankiesgirl71

Feel so sorry for you, i hope she visits you soon

Ah wow! This is a real tough thing – your baby celebrating a huge milestone, and being unable to share this with her, missing out, excluded. I am so sorry to hear you’ve had to bear this.
It would be interesting to read a story of how this would turn out if it all went as you wished. Sometimes, what we write can move us closer to where we want to be.
Best of luck to you Furnell, I hope that this story moves to a place of deeper strength and healing of your relationship with your daughter.