I miss my family so much. I’m so tired of being in prison. This is a miserable place. The people in here are so miserable and they seem to love making other people miserable. And I’m not going to be like them. I stay to myself in here because it is the ONLY peace of mind I can get in here. I do not feel close to others in here because they don’t share the same goals as me. I want to go home. And I don’t care how much others say they want to go home, their actions say otherwise. I don’t want to be around anyone unless if they are doing ALL the right things to get out of here. I don’t need any like warm friends. And to be honest, I don’t consider anyone in prison as my friends. They’re my associates.
I made a lot of changes in here. And if something is counterproductive to me going home, I’m cutting ties. I’m completely detaching myself from everything that disrupts my PEACE of mind. My mind has detached from this place, and my thoughts are on my freedom. I am sick and tired of expectations and obligations in here that others put on me. My only obligation is to gaining my freedom. Doing the right thing is a lonely road. But, no matter how much I try to do some good in this place, others try to take the credit. Others hate on me, and don’t even appreciate when I do something good. I don’t get acknowledgement for the positive things I do. So, I cut things out my life that I felt were no good for me, or no longer brought me happiness.
Last week I went to church. And I intend on going to church on a regular basis. I grew apart from God and now I want to come back Home. And when my dad came to visit me this weekend we prayed together. It was a very good feeling. Another thing I’ve lost interest in in here is the gardening. I find no satisfaction in it anymore because others expected me to do something that I only wanted to ‘help’ with. I’ve invested my time and money into the garden here, and got no appreciation out of it. People pick the flowers, gophers destroy them, and then the drama. I just don’t want to do something that makes me the opposite of happy. My freedom is more important. And when I go home I’ll have a better garden. Because this in NOT my home. My home is out there with my family.
Also, the greatest form of suffering comes from attachments. My ONLY attachment is to the friends and family in the free-world I love and cherish. That’s all that matters to me. That’s all I care about. And they’re the ones who truly care about me as well.
I’ll never stop counting my blessings. My family are my blessings. And I’m so grateful for everything in my life. I’d rather count my blessings than to count everything that makes me miserable. People in here make me miserable. And if they make me miserable I don’t want to be around them. I have no problem cutting ties with those that are counterproductive to my goals and my priorities. Freedom! That’s my ONLY priority.
Categories: Nicole Bradley