My life, how do I explain it? I truthfully don;t know how to title my life if I had to. My life was crazy but not crazy like a night in Vegas, more like a life of trouble, hate, pain, and being lost. As a child I had no real relationahip with my mother or brother, my brother’s abusive fahter was a piece of shit. My mother gave the three essential providences that most parents give: Food, Shelter, and Clothing, but the other froms of the L word were void, due to a man who wasn’t a man, it’s because of that man why I “had” so much hate and rage built up inside of me. A man that was no real father figure that any mother would want for theiri child. But the conformed man that I was who was no good, I have transformed form. Into a new man, a new, a new creation, though I still have some parts I have to work on just as all people do. Now me and my brother, we were and still are like water and oil, we never mix. We are beyond different and I’m glad, but we both still have characteristics of our mother. Some say our nose and eyes are like our mother’s My brother was a video adventureous and I was a real life adventureous!!!
He stayed in the house, and I stayed in the streets on a journey trying to roam and know the world by force, which only made me a bad boy! I may have been a good kid and grew up better than I did, but the in-home violance, beatings, and rage that I was witnessed every day and night is what pushed me away. I couldn’t protect me mother like I wanted to be able to because if I could my brother’s dad would have been dead and gone by no, but I couldn’t stay around the drama, so I had to go. I had to find some type of escape, some form of relief, and I found just that in the streets or at least it felt like the peace I was looking for, but I was fooled.
In the streets with my friends I had love from others and it feit good, they had my back and I wasn’t around al l the yelling and beatings and madness that was in my home environment, and the screaming that kept me up at night. I’m no different than others, the percentage of young black men and those of other minority races all experiennced of the same thing. Maybe not all but most, especially those in urban environments. If it wasn’t not having a dad there, the mother was an addict or the father was a drunk or abusive, or one of the parents just didn’t really care. Now, as I said this doesn’t account for all, those that it doesn’t account for are lucky. But to those that it does. Now, about the minority, that is even misplaced, because Blacks, Latinos/Spanish, Asians, and others of color. We are not really the minority, WE ARE THE MAJORITY!!! And other are scared of that.
Watching my earth fight off the drunk, I could not take it. But in the streets I was subject to something similar, but in a different way so it didn’t affect me the same, this violance, I was attracted to it. There was violance in the streets but now I was the one causing it, bringing pain to others. Calling females out their name, any name but their own, just as my brother’s drunken father did my earth. I started stealing cars, and shop lifting, sneaking and hanging out late. Than the crimes got worst, I got worst, then I became acquainted with even more bad individuals, but my badness that grew more and moreintense wasn’t because of them as if they made me worst. It was me making them worst.
Back then, I never knew where my rage came from or why I was so violate and evil as a kid. But as most kids I was regular bad kid who gets into trouble.I grew to hate the characteristicsof my brother’s father and did my best to treat women how they should be treated as I got older, because my mind starteed to grow, but my mind was also developing differently. Though I kept getting incarcerated, through my incarcerationI grew a love for reading, writing, and searching for knowledge, and I started to self-educate myselfbecause for some reason I hateed school–the class room scene wasn’t for me.
But as I got older my mind expanded, I became a writer, a business owner, an innovator, and an idealist. I started to loss the old characteristics, and gained new ones. But later into my adulthood I came in contact with the wrong people once again, and because of those individuals that I was affiliated woth actions that were unknown to me, I got caight up inn serious shit that I am innocent of. So things were turned on me. But though one situation got me caught up, I still haven’t let it stop my mental or spiritual growth and drive. So I continue to evolve. No matter the conditions of my physical placing (incarceration), I will still expand, grow, and achieve things that a lot of people don’t think or believe someone incarcerated can achieve. One of my main goals now is to help the youth make it by living a productive life and to choose wisely who they associate with. Life is about building a foundation, watching it grow, helping others,and connecting in positive ways that people can grow from and not be thorn down by. So day by day, month by month and year by year, I push, pursue, and seek to change my life, evolve and accomplish goals with others, accomplish things such as my publishing company “Insane Publications, LLC” that I established while incarcerated, my prisoner service I formed, and the blue prints of movie-scripts, stage plays and non-profits that are all in the making
So, my life is never over, and will never just end because my body is confind, becuase my mind will always be FREE!! Because no matter my situation or condition, or placing, my mind continues to create the blue-prints, construct them, and build foundations.So. my New Life is being created from here on out, and no longer does the old me or the Old Man exist control within me.
If you want to contact me by mail
Jamar Myers, SBI# 830254-C/1122299
East Jersey State Prison (E.J.S.P.)
Rahway, New Jersey 07065
Or contact me directly my setting up a JPay account by getting the JPay app or at http://www.JPay.com, or email me at JamarGodBless@Gmail.com Facebook name JamarMyersThaAuthor
Categories: Jamar Myers
Hey Jamar, what your life was like makes a lot of sense as to where you headed. I’m so sorry you were failed in so many ways by so many people. Praying for a better, brighter future for you. Most of all, I hope you find some peace with it all.
Praying for you, Brother Lamar. Probably the most cliche words any Christian can say. But I lost my brother and dad and have taken my thoughts and like many, out them into poems or short paragraphs to try to explain how I feel now. Nearly 4000 poems later and 3 books, I’m not out of the weeds totally. But I finally am at rest, even in the midst of my storms.
As HIServant in your service,