Stop Sending Your “Boyfriend” Money!! by Stephen Newman

Inmates who ask their penpals or “girlfriends” for money. It’s a topic I haven’t written about, but after receiving an email from a friend earlier this evening, it’s something I simply have to discuss.

I’m not going to make too many friends in prison for “telling it like it is” to all you free-world people, but I feel it’s my duty as a decent human being. If you’re in a relationship with an inmate who claims he “loves” you, and asks you to send him money, gift packages, $200 headphones, or any number of things…it’s very simple. Just don’t do it.

I am supposed to stand strong with my fellow inmates, but I just can’t. Each day, I see inmates taking advantage of women. They refer to them as “my fat chick.” They lie to and manipulate insecure women — women who are so desperate for love that they will spend every last penny of their paycheck on the inmate, even to their own demise.

I see women who can’t afford gas for their car, because their inmate-boyfriend needed money to buy a new tablet, or a new blanket, or a new $30 Under Armour T-shirt.

Today, the inmate asked his “girlfriend” to buy him new headphones. She found some good ones for $40, but he insisted on Beats by Dr. Dre. They’re several hundred dollars. He knows that this woman has no extra money to spend. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about her. And the sad thing is, I think she knows it, deep down, but isn’t able to face the reality.

Women always say, “oh I know I don’t HAVE to send him money, but I know it will make him happy.”. Or, “He knows this is the last time I’m able to help him.”. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard that one! Again. And again.

Here’s what I will allow (not that I’m in charge, but let’s pretend I am). You can put money onto your (not his) phone account, so he can call you. You can transfer JPay stamps to him so he can write you emails. And, only if you can afford it, $40 a month (whether that is for JPay music, or commissary, or whatever. $40 is more than most inmates make here working full time jobs. Believe me, it’s plenty).

I don’t want you buying them a new TV, a new tablet, sending money when you don’t have it, falling victim to their guilt trips about how cold it is at night, how they need new sweatpants, etc. Odds are, when you send them money for their “new TV”, they won’t buy a new TV. The money will be spent on something else. I’ve even seen when a woman doesn’t send money quickly enough, the guy calls her collect and shouts obscenities at her. I hear it all the time. Bitch. Whore. Slut. And she keeps accepting his collect calls, day after day. It makes me sick.

Yeah, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but here it is: inmates lie. Most of us aren’t in here for being good people. Don’t feel too sorry for us. Many of the guys lie, manipulate, and what really upsets me is that the women KNOW it. I’ve heard, so, so many times, the women tell me: “Something isn’t quite right but I can’t pinpoint what it is.” Let me pinpoint it for you. You’re in love with an inmate who doesn’t give a shit about you. He has no problems using you for money. It’s really not different than the Nigerian money email scam. It’s the same thing, in a different form.

People may not want to believe me. People may tell me I’m wrong. But the truth is, I’m not wrong. And I encourage ANY woman who is reading this — anyone who has had a bad experience with an inmate — to PLEASE post a comment on this blog and share your experience(s). Share details about what the guy said, what he asked for, how much you sent, how he treated you, etc. I think your stories will help those who are still in denial to realize all of the similarities with their own stories. I want to use this forum to help people claim their lives back.

Trust me — you’ll be much happier when you can spend your own paycheck each month, instead of wasting it on an unappreciative douchebag.

Sorry this isn’t a well-written blog. I strive to write professionally, but I’m too upset and angry to do so this time.

And Anja, or Jenn W., or Marah — if any of you are reading this, go ahead and post a comment and tell everyone just how many times I’ve asked you to send me money, gifts, or anything. How many times I insulted you on the phone. And also tell them how many times I sent you money and gifts. A true boyfriend wants to give. A piece of shit only wants to receive. I just want people to know I practice what I preach. Thank you for reading and I promise I’ll be in a better mood (and more well-spoken) in my next blog.

–Sign up to email me at–

Stephen Newman
DOC #90843


6 replies »

  1. It is not one well written but spoke volumes of truth to the unsuspecting vulnerable women. I appreciate your honesty – it’s so rare these days. Personally I would not give a total stranger any money. I have known my inmate for 24 years -before he got sent away, during his conviction and all the way to today. He’s now my husband of now 3 months and I gave him he’ll. He proposed 4 times, and made sure he appreciated me before and while I supported him. Good thing for women to do is slow it down and get to know someone. If not willing, walk 🚶 away and spare yourself some hurt. Good job, man.


  2. Thank you! I was in a relationship with an inmate. I knew him before he was sentenced, but I never sent him money. He never asked me. In 2 years, i sent him $20 to Jpay. Thats it. He worked and even spent his money to sent me a birthday gift that cost him $50 from the woodshop in the prison. He used other people like this though. Most of the inmates do. Thank you for looking out for those who may be a target. Fortunately I wasnt! I wish I could stand at the prisons and hand out warning pamplets!


  3. Sad but true. I have to say that this doesn’t only happen to women. This is a big problem for men too. I have seen a witnessed a big scam & it targets gay men.
    I have been watching this very closely for the past 5-6 years & it’s a big scam that mostly men do in prison. I will try and simplify what they do so that everyone understands the.
    Most inmates have a ton of time on their hands- so what these convicts do is go on to the pen pal sites & they post up a profile- most of them will post them themselves as “GAY” men. They act like they have no one to help them. They act like a typical victims. They start out being very charming & they will “LIE” about being GAY. It’s a tactic to get money from anyone.
    Trust and believe that when these perverts get released from prison they will leave the people who have been there for them day after day sending them thousands of dollars while they do their time in prison. What these men & women don’t understand is that these convicts are in prison/jail for a reason. We the public already PAY for these sociopathic perverts to be in prison & then some of us will fall in “LOVE” and send them money. That’s not all – some people even make plans with these convicts & they actually believe in them to be who they say.
    These convicts get 3 meals a day- they have a bed to sleep in – they get to work out because they don’t have to work a job like we do. These cons are not people- they are evil heartless beasts. Most incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. People need to be aware of this & raise consciousness for the rest of the hard working people who aren’t aware of this scam.
    I know of someone who was being scammed by a convict by the name of Henry Lawrence Roberson out of Oregon. This prisoner was scamming a total of 12 men & 6 women at the same time- he was sentenced for beating up a woman & her daughter- he also used a gun to kidnap them & intimidate them. This beast is a well-known drug dealer, drug taker. He was hooked on met, coke, crack you name it and he did it. This convict is also known to keep contact with his “GAY” “BOYFIENDS” when in the outside world- so that he can practice “GAY FOR PAY” deals. He will have them pay for his rent, car payment, insurance payments, and cell phones whatever he needs. What is more disturbing is that his family – such as his junkie brother & father who know he does this. Also the Oregon parole officer know he does this, but yet they allow him to get away with it. According to my study this is a very big problem in 3 states- Oregon – Washington & Kentucky. It does happen everywhere- but for some reason these states have the highest number of cases.
    Please be aware of the scam- the majority of inmates are not gay & if they are – they are not looking to con people- most “real GAY” men do not go to jail. Chances are you are writing a straight man convicted felon pretending to be gay – just to con / scam you for money. I can’t stress enough “DO NOT SEND ANY INMATE MONEY” unless they are your family member or if you know them well. Instead of wasting your good earned money on a convict- help & feed a hungry child- or help an abused animal, give to a charity of your choice. These disgusting ignorant- misogynist, homophobic prisoners do not deserve a penny or a thought.
    I’m thinking of starting a site that tracks these so called “GAY” inmates or all inmates regardless of sexual orientation- so you can blog about who you talk to & if they are talking to others- I’m thinking of calling it “EXPOSE” they all need to be exposed, they prison scam is gone too far.


  4. Oh my love, you never asked me for money, I have always sent you some money for your birthday or Christmas so you could buy some music and transfer you stamps. I love you, you never called me names or treated me bad your the best. You are the sweetest person ever and I love you with all my heart and in 6 month I will finally have you in my arms. And yes you have sent me money and helped me out, when I was struggling. You are my prince in shinning handcuffs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You spelt ‘Olga’ incorrectly, Anja. You, my dear, have yourself fallen victim to, and been conned by, a lying, nefarious convict who just told everyone who reads this [how] to avoid inmates JUST LIKE HIM. Your ‘love’, the ‘sweetest person ever’, your ‘prince in shinning [sic] handcuffs’ whom you ‘love with all your heart’ is no better than the other CONvictS; he’s just learnt how to read people better and when & how to play his cards. Please start preparing yourself for the argument he’s going to intentionally begin 4 to 6 weeks before he turns up for parole, as that will be when he breaks off the romance — but not before saying mean & hurtful things to you. By doing that, he expects you won’t want to be with him, therefore, you won’t be waiting for him outside the prison gates upon release and he can go along his merry way.

      They’re called CONvictS for a reason, luv.

      Please don’t forget to send me an invite to the wedding.


  5. Interesting. I think this blogs should be read by every woman who has a case of falling for abusive relationships. They sort of enter a prison willingly for being the healer or a fairy mother.


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