Baretta Wilford

When I come home. By: Baretta Wilford

As I sit here on my bed i’m thinking i’m about to go to the parole board
This will be number 6. Yeah i’ve been fucking up I should of been home. I do have some family,but I feel like i’m really all alone. I feel that if you Love someone you will go out your way to show them you love them. Man like my niece Patricia say she love me so much,but if I don’t call her I would never hear from her. Shit when I send a email I still don’t
Hear anything from her. So I try to tell her how I feel,but she just get made like i’m on some bullshit. I tell her that i’m so lonely that I feel that if I was to die no one would come get my body. So I know no one
owe me anything,but it would be nice to have someone I could count
on. I lost my grandma in 1992 my dad in 1993 lost my mom in 1994,
Lost older brother in 1995. So everyone who was close to me past on.
That hit me so hard That till this day it rocks me.
I was in a prison that was 45 min away from my brother Kevin house and he still would not come see me!! Yeah it’s fucked up. I know what
You gone ask. What you do to him. Well I did not do anything to him. When we was young they sent him to go stay with people in Columbus
So he could go to the school for the blind. So What I think is that he feel we all forgot about him. So let me tell the world that I never forgot about you bro. I love you!! While you was in school I was in and out of
jail. I was in the streets. And bro remember i’m I was a kid just like you.

Man i’m 42 years old and I never felt loved or wanted by no one in my
Life. Yeah when I was selling crack everyone loved me,but as soon as I got this 15 to Life prison time everyone pulled out. And damn ,it’s no
feeling like the feeling that no one wants you. Now yes it made me a hard man most of my time in prison. So one day I got sent to Richland
an level 1 prison in 2013 and I said to my self that since no one wants me i’m gone use this time to turn myself into some that someone would want in there life and would want to love. so I got GOD IN MY LIFE. Then I started to get to work on my education. I got my GED then
I went into get my Tutor Training WorkShop. Then I went into trades,I got into auto collision repair,carpentry,agriculture farming/community
garden,recycling 101 alternative energy,understanding photovoltaic
( I am a certified photovoltaic level 1 installer ) auto deailing,paint and
masking, I’m a tailor,well learning how they don’t let me do much. I take
pro-social programing I do community service and I take relationship
class. I started to make my time work for me so when I do find someone I will know how to love. I can’t wait to love someone and be there for them. now I am not made at people. Because i’ve learned to work on myself and GOD gone look out for me.
Before I go I want to shair something I read in my IOP group today.
Don’t try to saw sawdust by Dale Carnegie
The pile of sawdust that gathers under our woodworking can never go back to its previous form. The lumber used to build a house can never
return to the forest as a tree. That is a law of nature: whatever takes on a new form can never return to its original state. We may believe this statement as law of nature,but may not believe it also applies to the past. We can never go back to the past;the past can never become the present. We are not the same people today that we were when we were
five years old,ten years old,or twenty years old. If we are always trying to live in the past,then we are trying to saw sawdust. To live in the present,we must work with new pieces of wood and make new piles of sawdust.
Tonight I can stop living in the past and see the present for what it really is:clean,fresh,and new.

Baretta Wilford
DOC #a291-175

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Categories: Baretta Wilford

4 replies »

  1. You have dealt with a lot of pain, I’m sorry for it. It impacts us a lot, even if we don’t realise it at the time. Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. I have felt deeply lonely often. But I am a believer, and I know that God has been with me through every single moment. He sees your every struggle, and he is closer than any human presence. He cares about your pain and your sorrows, and he has not forgotten you. You have a good attitude, you are also using your time productively! All of those classes sound great. All the best.

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  2. All those deaths in such a short time must have been very difficult for you, Baretta. I can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like. And on top of that to be so alone. But you know what, you have turned your life around! So many different courses and skills that you have learnt. You should be proud of yourself. To make the best of the time you have is a good investment in your future. Bless you.

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