INCARCERATED: OCTOBER 1, 1997
RELEASE DATE: APRIL 2018/.8888
Hello World, My name is Steven Knowles and I am currently incarcerated for a murder that I did not commit. I know that in most cases, there are men who make this very claim of innocence, but with an ulterior motive; I have nothing to gain.
I only say this so that the people that read this blog will understand who I am as a man: my beliefs and indoctrinations and how I have come to be who I am today.
I was a follower of the universal teachings that plagues all poverty stricken areas. These teachings consisting of, disrespecting women, false bravado, and trusting no one. All of these things creates a world of solitude and seclusion, which lead me to a penitentiary ”ALONE!”
Of course a man has his mother, but in all “hoods” the mother is a man’s life line. I believe this is because the family dynamic is a broken one, where there is no father in the picture to teach a boy to be a man and so he lacks the male role model to emulate. HE IS LEFT BELIEVING THAT HIS MOTHER CAN SAVE HIM FROM ALL HIS PROBLEMS.
This was my dilemma. I was raised in a household with an older brother and a single mother ( who did everything she could to provide ) raising two boys. Therefore, I learned to be a man from a older brother who had no knowledge of being a man: BLIND LEADING THE BLIND. This led to gang banging, violence, and selling drugs. Along the way I collected some snakes and called them friends.
I grew up in a world that was relentless, unapologetic, unforgiving and chaotic. A world where intelligence was frowned upon and violence summed your worth. In this very world, boys idolized the bad guys; pimps, gangstas, rappers, hustlers, and fighters, while, Females glorified the Femme Fatales and Vixens. Males listened to music that told them to disrespect women and only consider them as objects. Females listened to music that told them to only want a man for financial stability and to not depend on him.
With this, the stress levels are intensified by the constant threat of death lingering around every corner. We have to worry everyday about making it home. There is a constant threat of death at each end of the spectrum. On one end you have the people that look like you that will kill you for what you have and on the other end you have the police who will kill you because of the color of your skin.
I was so caught up in the trees that I could not see the forest. I was unable to see the hazards and the mental detriment that was effecting me.
I was being numbed to the cares and considerations of humanity and my morals were being diluted and my perceptions compromised.
I realized that in order for me to change the man I had become, I would have to change my thinking. It was hard in the beginning because, my actions were my lifestyle and my lifestyle was created by habits. I learned that in order to change your lifestyle you have to change your habits and in order to change your habits you have to overwrite patterns with new ones.
who I am today is a far cry from the boy I was yesterday. I am no longer impulsive, putting emotion before thought. I have learned that in times of emotional turmoil to shut down the feelings and turn on the rational thinking. But, I also learned to keep connected to GOD and draw all inspiration from his source.
I now know that humanity has fallen far from the perfection that we were created and have individually sought after self destructive desires that not only destroys humanity, but the world, and we need to get to a point of loving each other. With this said, I will end this for now and say, PEACE AND BLESSINGS.
STEVEN KNOWLES #A359732
3791 State Rte. 63
Lebanon, Ohio 45036-9371
Categories: Steven Knowles