Hello again so late last night and early this morning I wrote on the events of sleep.This time I would like to explain a more basic experience, I attended a self help group called PREP a workshop held by sister Mary and a couple of chaplains I can’t remember their names.From nine to twelve I and thirty three other inmates were gathered in the chapel,the challenge was to role play a board hearing.Sister Mary asked for three volunteers one should be someone who has seen the BPH at least once so an older man who’s been incarcerated thirty plus years went up and sat in one the three chairs,then she asked for the next two to be those that are going to the board soon,I consider six years to be rather soon plus only one other man beside me volunteered.I was seated in the middle so the thirty one inmates were suppose to be in the role of commissioners.The first question was to state our names and CDC numbers,then speak of our upbringing in a nut shell.The man to the left of me speaks of being abused by his mother and when hearing an aggressive voice that reminds him of those traumatic events and he use to react violently over it purely out of defense,I spoke of my parents divorce and how it made sense for them to be apart because then they wouldn’t fight,I wasn’t abused though I was spoiled rotten and became a selfish manipulative brat I didn’t really care about anyone except myself I was always loving though I would cry if I didn’t get my way,to the right of me he stated that he doesn’t know his father and his mother never really had a relationship with a winner,he was beaten whenever he did something wrong and he sees nothing wrong with that.
The next request was to speak of elementary school what is remembered?
I went first this time and mentioned how two friends of mine went through terrible events,the girls family was killed in a car accident that only she survived and the boys parents killed themselves together so throughout elementary they were counseled in a special classroom by the principals office they always called me in as there one guest to play with them,arts and crafts mostly, though it didn’t happen to me I still felt as though it did.At this time the man to the left was explaining his childhood experience and only five minutes into his story he was interrupted to” get to it” and he tried and then was mocked and laughed at when he had difficulties skipping ahead of a very real traumatic event one said “denied!” out loud and those around began to laugh,I recognized this right away…bullying.He shut down and tears came down his face I stopped everyone and said this is all wrong!None of you are suppose to put someone down or laugh or state cruel remarks such as denied!?Even the free staff were guilty I called them on their rude interruptions they where adult enough to admit and apologize though others tried to argue it’s constructive criticism? It isn’t if there’s someone being bullied to hurry up or mocked for having poor social skills, another stated that one of his commissioners stated “I don’t give a shit!I’m denying you for five years!” I replied,and that makes it okay to be rude?If one commissioner is rude then it justifies rude childish behavior?The chaplain comes at me with “your suppose to except the feedback were all giving you”
I reply and vice versa!All of you are out of line.The man to the left of me thanked me and only few of the crowd agreed that I was right for calling them on their unprofessional behavior.Others glared because they thought they were safe in numbers with control but all that was slapped away when they acted like children.Sister Mary kept it going with the question of drug use
so after shaking everyone up,to the right of me spoke of how drugs weren’t the absolute downfall but yet when incarcerated he was heavily under the influence other than that he remained indifferent, I went into how going to parties lead me to drug use until I didn’t care for the party and only searched for the drugs which got me locked up when I was fourteen and was released when I was sixteen.I continued to smoke weed with two good friends one was always being bullied I encouraged him to always stand up for himself and he ended up going way to far …on our way to the liqueur store we seen his bullies and only a fight was foreseeable and yet a double homicide happened.The man to the left of me went into his drug addiction how it was used to make him not care about the other things going on in his life,he didn’t mention what got him in prison it did seem though now he was reluctant to open up again after the way the others acted.It seemed that it was difficult to maintain a real role,the personas were weak and shifted around when ever eye contact was made and it seemed more reserved. Well now I’m back in my cell we just went on lock down over some fight supposedly a weapon was found but not used…this is just another day of the prisoner.

Angelo Vasquez
CDC #G07505