Stephen Newman

A Warm Body In My Bed by Stephen Newman

(Originally written February 26, 2011)

I’ve been sleeping alone for the past three years but awoke to quite a surprise the other night. There’s this old grouchy guy who wears a diaper. They call him Diaper Dan. He lives in the cell next to mine. Unbeknownst to me, Diaper Dan has a sleepwalking affliction At 3 AM, I was sound asleep and the diaper guy walked into my cell. He stared at my bed for a minute, then dropped his pants and sat directly on my stomach while my bunkmate watched the whole thing! I immediately woke up, disoriented, and shouted, “What the Fuck?!” to which the diaper-wearing-sleepwalker said, “Oh, sorry, sorry, I thought I was in my bed. I’ll go home.”

Perhaps sleeping alone isn’t so bad after all.

Stephen Newman
DOC #90843


Categories: Stephen Newman

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