[Segment for Final Straw radio show aired 18Feb18]
I have written this segment as part of my commitment to serious journalism that tackles real issues. The following is my open letter to the U.S. Institute of Peace, a federal agency in Washington, D.C.:
Dear U.S. Institute of Peace:
What the fuck?
As far as I can tell, historically, humans have been praying for world peace since back in biblical days. World peace has been an important goal for most humans, and an especially important goal to most beauty pageant contestants for thousands of years. Your agency, the Institute of Peace, has been funded by the federal government since some time in the last century. That means you have been working on world peace for a while now.
So, where are we at in terms of goal-accomplishment?
I think that’s a fair question. You are, after all, the Institute of Peace. That means your mission is to create conditions for establishing world peace. Now, I realize you don’t get a fraction of the funding that the Department of Defense gets. And we have to keep in mind that the Department of Defense used to be called the Department of War back in America’s salad days. So that means the Department of War gets a huge war chest not afforded to the Institute of Peace.
I get it– you’re at a financial disadvantage.
Also, the Department of War has a whole lot of people very close to the president, including its own cabinet member– and because you’re a mere “institute,” and not a “department,” you don’t have a cabinet position.
Again, a disadvantage.
So, I don’t want to simply snipe you for having failed at establishing world peace, but damn– have you taken a look out your window lately? The whole planet looks like a wrestling convention with a free kegger, but without the tights and the hairspray.
Shit’s pretty hectic. And it seems like things are getting worse. Your boss keeps calling the leader of one nuclear power “Rocket Man.” That can’t be good.
What are you doing, for instance, to track global violence? It would seem that violence erupts continually in unexpected places. Given your institute’s lack of boots on the ground, I can only assume that you didn’t see the latest outbreaks of violence coming.
Yet, when I watch BBC news, I note that in every new conflict, I see the same white Toyota pick-up with the masked kids in back, sporting AK-47s. That white Toyota pick-up has been on the scene for every new conflict going back to Rwanda and beyond. So, if those kids in that pick-up can anticipate the next hot-spot, from Baghdad to Baltimore, I have to wonder what they know that you don’t?
And really, to track global violence, all you really need is the GPS on that white Toyota pick-up.
I think if I ever get out of prison, I’m going to get a white Toyota pick-up. You know how many miles that thing must have? And it clearly runs like a champ.
Maybe you guys should invest in your own white Toyota pick-ups. It seems that whatever your institute is driving is at a serious disadvantage to that white Toyota pick-up.
Another question: In terms of world peace, do you guys have a time-line planned? I ask this because, if you don’t even have a timeline, I have to wonder if you’re really serious. If there’s no timeline, then you’re not really trying to establish world peace at all. You don’t even have a vision for getting to the final destination.
World peace is some serious shit. We can’t just have you floundering around.
Do you need more public support? More funding? Perhaps you just need to get your institute’s name out there so folks know you’re on the job. Maybe you should shake things up a bit.
You could sell t-shirts with the slogan, “Peace, Dude.” Or maybe have somebody in your office challenge Tonya Harding on Celebrity Boxing and beat the hell out of her. Or face off against the Pentagon in a pay-per-view paintball match. Nothing could further the cause of world peace like shooting the joint chiefs in the face… with a paintball gun, I mean.
All I’m saying is, whatever you’re doing now– it’s not working. In my lifetime, it doesn’t feel like we’re getting closer to world peace. It feels like we’re getting further away from it.
You gotta do something. The white-Toyota-pick-up-kids are kickin’ your ass.
Have you thought about tracking the money? You know, following the guns and bombs and bullets back to their origins to determine who it is that’s profiting off of global war? Maybe you could identify those making the fortunes and you could seize their assets…
Then, when you’ve seized all those war profits, the joint chiefs and all the government contractors would be the ones who have to beat up Tonya Harding on Celebrity Boxing to raise their own funds…
This is Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain from Warren Corruptional in Lebanon, Ohio. If you’re listening, you ARE the resistance…
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Categories: Sean Swain