in march, I will have spent a decade in prison. it will be ten years since I killed my father. I know how that sounds, but there’s quite a story to all that. I do regret it, yet I still feel that at the time I had no other real option.
I have been working on my appeal, trying to get the court to look at the things he did to me before all of this happened. and I am struggling. having these horrid dreams…. and right now I’m laying here looking out of my window as I write and all I see is another prison and blackness. I can’t remember ever seeing anything so void of life. nothing compares to the sky from a prison cell. there are no stars, nothing but black…. ten years and I have maybe seen stars and only a hand full at that, maybe six or seven times. how much emptiness can a man take before he cracks for good? I’m a man I know what I did and these are the consequences…. I’m 27, and I’ve spent ten years in prison. a fucking decade cause I couldn’t take another beating…. at least I’m half way done.
its the loneliness that kills.
drowning in situde
my hands to the sky
grasping for air
my cries of dispare
are read by the blind
carry on I must strive
for in situde I thrive.
Derek Lewis
DOC #92527
Idaho department of corrections
PS: thanks Suzie for doing this.
Omgosh I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. He never had a chance..
You are halfway there…you can can make it. Everyone has fallen short, everyone- your prison officer, your medic, the judge who sent you down! I often wonder how many people would be in prison if ’emotional damage’ and ‘lying’ and ‘being a lousy parent’ etc etc were crimes! It’s a funny world. Keep your head up.
Derek, it’s Courtney. I’m sorry. I know it’s been forever but you’re a great man and you will be fine. Miss you often. Take care.
That’s wonderful piece of fiction from the piece of shit that killed my brother.