According to sources inside the fascist police state prison complex who spoke on the condition of their anonymity, I am currently under investigation by the Fascist Bozos of Intimidation because of the publication of ‘Last Act of the Circus Animals.’ Of course, I’ve been under investigation for years, perpetually, so it may be that publication of ‘Last Act’ has simply resulted in me being put under “double” or possibly even “triple investigation.” Perhaps I have even reached the level of “Super Secret Squirrel Investigation,” a level only reached by an elite few so-called criminal masterminds including Martin Luther King, Jr., Abbie Hoffman, and, of course, the Joker.
Little Black Cart published ‘Last Act’ just this month, cranking out ten thousand copies. It is currently on sale for just $5 and makes an excellent Christmas gift. When news of this reached Ohio Department of Retribution and Corruption Legal Counsel Trevor Matthw Clark, the FBI’s “agency liaison” assigned to monitoring me, Trainwreck Trevor (as his co-workers call him behind his back) immediately dialed his Fascist Bozo friends on speed dial. (Trainwreck talks to them regularly about all of the daily information he gathers on me, including the size and consistency of my bowel movements. When I once told Trainwreck to get over me, he invited his Fascist Bozo friends over, ate Hagan Daaz ice cream, painted each other’s toe nails, had a good cry, and watched a Julia Roberts movie while the Fascist Bozos brushed his hair. My point is, Trainwreck and the Fascist Bozos are really tight.)
The FBI is all Trainwreck ever talks about. He really wants to be an honorary federal agent, just like Elvis.
At any rate, Trainwreck again prompted the FBI to look into my activities while directing local prison mismanagers to terrorize me in silly, plausibly-deniable ways. As a consequence, agents of the Fascist Bozos of Intimidation have been reading a copy of ‘Last Act of the Circus Animals’ and consulting experts in a variety of fields.
They have, after more than a week of investigation that costs six figures, already come to an official conclusion that, unlike the depiction in ‘Last Act,’ in real life, animals do not talk.
They could have asked me and I would have given them the same answer for just fifty bucks.
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Categories: Sean Swain