I’m looking for a few good machete-weilding, molotov-throwing, ski-mask-clad savage-cannibal maniacs to help me run a campaign for Ohio Governor, one like none other in history. I want to be a needle in the veins of the body politic. A bullet through its brain-pan.
Signs on the side of the road say, “Welcome to Ohio! The Heart of It All!”
Let’s drive a stake right through the Heart of It All.
Some quick background: As I wrote in ‘Ohio,’ which I hope to soon get published, the Treaty of Greeneville in 1795 set aside this area called Ohio as “unceded Indian Territory.” No U.S. treaty ever superceded this. So, legally, this area is “unceded Indian Territory.”
In 1802, some buffoon named Thomas Worthington, if that is his real name, got together with 34 of his closest white friends and drafted the “Ohio Constitution,” essentially stealing Native American lands set aside by U.S. treaty. They had no legal standing to turn somebody else’s land into a “state.” The whole thing was bogus.
After this great swindle, the U.S. Supreme Court heard a similar case called, “Samuel A. Worcester vs. the State of Georgia,” and the U.S. Supreme Court declared that no state can abrogate the terms of a U.S. treaty, and any state action that abrogates a U.S. treaty is void.
That means the Ohio Constitution is void.
That means Ohio is not really a state. Never was.
In the 1950s, U.S. Attorney General Francis Biddle testified at the close of the Indian Claims Commission, speaking before the U.S. Senate. He testified under oath that there was no legal justification for the U.S. claimed ownership of roughly 35% of the continental United States. He submitted graphs and charts and maps. They show the highlighted areas where the U.S. has no legal ownership. One of those areas is the space we now call Ohio.
If the U.S. Supreme Court and the U.S. Attorney General and the U.S. Constitution are in perfect agreement that Ohio is not a state, Ohio’s not a state.
So, here’s the plan: I’m running as a write-in candidate for Ohio Governor. Once elected, I’m recognizing the authority of the Treaty of Greeneville and I’m returning the entire area known as Ohio to the Native American tribes who legally own it.
I’m talking about abolishing the “State of Ohio.”
And here’s how:
— I refuse to sign any budget, so no matter what, nobody working for Ohio will end up getting paid. No pay, nobody shows up to work.
— I issue an executive order activating the Ohio national guard to collect all military hardware and equipment and drop it off in the Ohio State University stadium parking lot.
— I issue an executive order de-commissioning the Ohio national guard. Now there’s nobody to call when everything hits the fan.
— I turn over all military hardware to the Native Americans so they can defend themselves against the inevitable U.S. invasion.
— I issue an executive order declaring every single day of the school year a recognized state holiday. Schools close forever.
— I issue a pardon for the entire prison population. Those who volunteer to stick around will be referred to the Shawnee and the Ottawa and possibly get issued a rifle.
— I issue an executive order to the Ohio Department of Transportation to take drills and dig up every single U.S. highway, putting the chunks of it into the beds of trucks to dump at the border. Here’s your road back. Stay out.
The United States will have to take one of the stars off of its flag.
I need a campaign staff. I’ll soon have funds for bumper stickers and yard signs and lapel pins. I need to get the message out that we can liberate ourselves from bogus governments that long ago outlived their use, if they ever had any.
I need a campaign staff to hold press conferences and get the word out all over the internet, plastered all over the walls at colleges and universities, everywhere. Let’s get me into the gubernatorial debates, via Skype.
And we’ll challenge the democrats and republicans to a pay-per-view no-holds-barred no-pinfall submission-only tables-ladders-and-chairs cage-match.
I’m getting in shape. I plan to suplex those hierarchs from the top turnbuckle.
Anyone interested in getting the next revolution rolling needs to contact rebels at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Wanna dance naked around a bonfire where the Ohio Statehouse used to be? Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain for Ohio Governor, 2018.