Some things have happened that I see as good. On the surface it’s becoming easier for me to wear my “All is well” mask. I’m swimming with sharks and can’t forget where I am. I want so badly to drift off and focus on me but have false responsibilities to uphold.
Blood laces the water and madness ensues. With the ability to accept and embrace the positive, comes the overwhelming need to take it apart. An illusion envelopes me. I’m in a place where all around me there is possible catastrophe. One miss move can end in perils unimaginable for those who don’t live this life.
While the mind the mind must remain intact and stay sharp the soul is battered to the point of fracture. Seeing and knowing things is more damaging then many realize. Ignorance to peoples crime is truly bliss.
How can I focus on my love while drowning in a sea of despair? Not only my own but the ones around me as well. To not draw my peers problems into myself is not in my nature.
I want something different and advocate change but implementing it is my struggle when who I have been for so long doesn’t tolerate these actions taken by others. My mind IS sharp but I’m torn between knowing what I want for myself and thinking I deserve this pain and heartache.
Good things have happened within this last year. I just no longer wish to dismantle my good happenings and weight myself down with grief. I’m surrounded by sharks. They don’t care if I make it. Will I ever find someone who does? I have myself and I believe I can make it.
Seth K. Teig
DOC# 304222
