I used to wonder why it seemed I was having more put on my table to deal with than others.
I had no idea that all the adversities, the struggles, the monumental crashes weren’t just for me. Everything I’ve endured is a testimony. Nothing was for the purpose of hurting me, personally. Everything was for the purpose of equipping me for what lies ahead. My struggles may be in line with those of someone else who’s struggling to find their way.
Purpose. When I lived without purpose I was just existing. I had no responsibility and higher calling to direct my paths. My mind focused on my hurt and my pain. Me, me, me…
Getting to a place where I could begin considering others was tough and not just from the point of being inherently selfish, I had actual work to do on myself first.
The most troubling thing about doing time isn’t so much the duration but knowing the caliber of individuals you’ll be stuck with 24 hours a day. Not everyone here is interested in reflection or introspection. Some individuals here are truly bent on ruining those they see taking accountability and responsibility for their lives. Its the old “crabs in a bucket” syndrome – I can’t let you crawl out of here I have to pull you back down with me.
For those of us that attain a greater understanding and consciousness of our actions there is constant conflict with negative influences and ideologies.
Now I understand the magnitude of my errors in thinking. I’m ashamed that I allowed myself to be put in a place like this. The struggle to find my way out is imperative and immediate. People die here.
Physical death and spiritual death can happen simultaneously or singularly depending on a choice to live spiritually or a choice for carnality. Worldly pleasures and ambitions distract even the best of people from making proper choices so you can imagine what the desire for those “things” is doing in a place like prison.
Everyone will have to make a conscious decision on who they will become. Choosing not to be aware is still a choice.
I’ve learned many things in my 25 plus years spent in prison. The most important thing is that my choices reflect the quality of my overall health. There is a point to every adverse situation we encounter in life – EVOLUTION.
Live with a purpose and recognize the power of your choices. There are much worse places and things ahead should you chose to neglect your power of choice.
Categories: Adolphus Redding