This is another story of my life that had me just rolling with laughter that my sides felt like thy were going to explode and my face was cramped from smiling so much.
It all started when I was talking to a old friend from when I was out-of-state. I call him Rocky because he plays the guitar like a Rockstar.
He just showed up here on the chain bus last week and we were catching up with each other.
I was telling him about my blogs and having him read a few of them.
We had been talking for 20 minutes or so and all of a sudden there is this smile that slowly starts to creep slowly cross his face.
He pauses for a few seconds mid sentence, then slowly starts to laugh quietly.
I’m wondering what he thinks is so funny. So I turn and look over my shoulder but can’t see anything that stands out that might be funny.
So I ask him what he thinks is so funny. He told me, its his celly. He says his celly is a dummy. ( Oh man, this should be funny)
Rocky goes on to tell me that his celly hurt his back working out earlier today doing an exercise he hates doing.
First thing that popped into my head was dead lifts because so many people don’t know how to lift properly. So I asked, “was it deadlifts?” Rocky said “nope, Curls”.
I started to laugh a little bit because I couldn’t believe that he said it was curls and not deadlifts.
How do you hurt your back Doing curls? Oh wait, he could be one of those Dumb ass’s I just talked about that don’t know how to lift.
But that’s not the entire reason why Rocky’s laughing. His celly wanted some muscle rub for his back but didn’t have any. And he didn’t know who to ask to get some.
Rocky told him to find someone with some Trixaicin Instead. It works alot better. And it doesent stink like Bengay does.
He had never heard of Trixaicin before and wanted to try it.
Rocky said, “it is only giving out by medical. So go find ask someone thats indigent because they always seem to have it”. Ask any weirdo around here. (see: glossary of prison terms)
Rocky points to the first weirdo he see’s and low and behold, he had some. So Rocky’s celly went back to the cell and put a thick, generous coat, all over his back. ( there in lies his first mistake. Its strong stuff. use sparingly.)
But that’s still not the punch line. Rocky goes on to tell me that after he put it on that thick generous coat he didn’t go wash his hands right away. He got stuck watching TV for 10 minutes then washed them.
After about a half hour Rocky’s celly couldn’t figure out why he hands were so uncomfortably warm. ( its because you didn’t wash the Trixaicin off right away stupid)
As Rocky is telling me all this, his celly comes strolling on by on his way to the ice machine. He is also kinda hunched over because of his hurt back and walking a little funny while rubbing he hands on his shirt like he is drying them off or something. He takes a looks at us smiles. I couldn’t hold back and I just started rolling.
His celly has a slight smile on his face trying to act like nothing is wrong and continues on to get ice. That just sets off every thing Rocky has been telling me for the last 8 minutes or so. Oh man am I laughing hard now.
On the way back by his celly has now figured out what I’m laughing about. He realized Rocky had just told me what was going on.
He shakes his head and continues back by and heads for the cell with his bucket of ice.
First thing that shoots through my head I blurt it out between laughs. “His lower back is probly on fire from all that capsaicin. Even when it wears off tonight, when he goes to workout tomorrow it will kick back up again just as bad, maybe worse. Again I damn near fall over in laughter.
SIDE NOTE : For those of you that dont know what Trixaicin is. Here a little background on it. Its set up a lot like Bengay. It has the same concept to heating up muscles and soothing aches and pains. It doesent have a smell and I believe it lasts longer than Bengay. It works off your body temperature. You don’t need to use a lot because the more you move the hotter it gets. If you use to much it is possible to get Second degree burns and the heat can be unbearable, even painfull at times. Once it has soaked in you can’t wash it off either. Hot water is also a bad idea. Even the following when you think its gone it shows right back up. Whether your being active or just in the shower it will get hot all over again.
We continue to talk for another 1/2hour or so laughing at his celly and shootin the breeze before Rocky decides to go back to the cell for the night.
When he leaves I decided to wait in line for the Jpay so I could send out a few more blog posts.
10 minutes later Rocky shows back up with a big fat grin on his face. Rocky is kinda chuckling under his breath. It could only mean one thing. He starts to tell me there’s more.
I guess his celly’s back was so hot that he had been icing it to cool off.
Well, when he got done icing his back he picked up the ice bag and threw it away and took a piss but didn’t wash his hands till AFTER he pissed. (whoops! another rookie mistake)
There was sweat all over the bag and that transfered over to his hands, which in turn transfered to his….. Yeah, you guessed it!
Now he’s hunched over in his bunk in the featal position is total pain.
We stood there talked and laughed some more all at his expense.
As we stood there it got even better. He came out of the cell hobbled across the dayroom, hunched over, holding his crotch.
He headed for one of his buddy’s cells but when he got there and knocked on the door no one answered. His buddy must have been asleep. So he turned around and headed back to his cell.
Rocky and I watched him as he crossed the dayroom so enjoying his agony. He Just so happen to look in our direction and saw us. It looked like he took a big sigh then bowed and shook his head.
I know that sounds bad go make fun of someone like that. Its just so funny because we know exactly how he feels. He’s not the first person to make this mistake.
That’s some powerfull stuff. As a matter of fact. I just gave someone else some Trixaicin HP for their back a few days ago. They came by later that night to ask if its going to mess him up if he takes a shower.
I told him yes it will! If you take a shower, don’t even try to wash that area at all. Try not to get any water on it if possible. In fact, if its possible don’t even shower at all if you don’t have to tonight.
He was surprised on how adamant I was being about the whole thing. He was really questioning me about all of it.
I told him if he doesn’t believe me, go ahead and shower. But you’ll be sorry. He decided on not showering that night.
I couldn’t tell ya why people find so much joy in other people’s pain and misery.
With Rocky’s celly. If it was me that gave him that Trixaicin I would have told him what it was like and how to use it if he asked.
The Trixaicin I have is called Trixaicin HP .075% capsaicin. Its stronger than the regular Trixaicin. I got that one because I like it better. But if misused it can be painful.
The moral of this story is. Know what kinda medication your using, and ask questions I you need too. Because you probly should.
Categories: Jesse Bailey