Have you ever felt alone in a room surrounded by Hundreds of people?
That’s what it’s like everyday in here for me. Standing in the dayroom with 150 other inmates running around yelling, Slapping cards, banging Dominos, ruff housing among other things they do. Still I feel alone.
Having friends in here helps. But finding a friend in here that’s worth while is hard to do and hard to come by. Most of the time it just doesent pan out.
Family is helpfull. It gives you someone to write, call or come visit you, and at most talk to when I need it. And if your lucky, get a money order from them to buy some ZoomZoom’s & WhamWham’s for my tummy.
I think what guys misses the most, or at least what I miss the most, is a woman. Just a good woman. I don’t mean just the sex either. Yeah that’s great an all. But what I’m saying is, I miss that love that comes with having a woman in my life. A special person out there that I can consider my other half.
Its a different kinda love. Different than what a mother or father can give. What a brother or sister can give. Even a real good friend out there you’ve known your whole life.
Some people had that person when they came to prison. A wife they’ve been married to prior to this life. Some have been able to find that person while locked up. Amazing how that can happen! But it’s very possible.
I know people that have found that good woman while in prison. Its good to see people find love. It seems to change how they are. Thier out look on life seems to change.
They seems more happy and out going towards people. I notice that some stuff that bothered them before tends to slide off their shoulder now. Not always, but more often than not.
But mostly what I see and hear, is that they are more connected with the out side world. More informed on changes that happen on the streets. They have more to talk about than just what happens in prison. Their life seems fuller.
Its like their life got more worth living. They have something to look foreword to when they get released. To be with that person they love. Even if it might be years in the future.
They build plan, or develop a goal, have a purpose for themselves. Something to look foreword to. Something that let’s them see a good future for themselves.
Because in here a person has no future. When your looking at 20, 30 or even 40 years to do in prison. Nothing matters to you. People don’t matter, things don’t matter and with that kind of time in front of you, life seems like its over and you care about nothing. Not even yourself.
Life in here is hard. Its more a mental thing than a physical thing. People break all the time in here. I believe it can be easier with that other person. That thought of, there is someone out there, that wants you.
Everyone wants to be wanted. Its human nature…
If you have any questions or comments that you want to ask or share with me. Feel free to contact me at JPay.com
Jesse Bailey
DOC #879476
You’re right about how important it is to have someone who loves you doing time with you outside. My wife and I had been married for 5 years when she was arrested in 1994. She’s still inside and I’m still with her.