I committed the crime of first degree murder on September 27, 1988. I was 16. On October 1, 1990, I was sentenced to 900 months.
75 YEARS …
I turned 18 in the Washington State Penitentiary.
Was I grown? That’s a question that has been asked of me for years but too answer the question honestly, I would have to say absolutely not. I really had no idea what so ever how to carry myself, let alone how to be a man.
I’m not saying any of this to gain any form of sympathy because I really don’t deserve it! I am well aware of my actions and the consequences of those actions, and since I am being honest, I have to say that I was disgusted with my actions.
It would be easy to say that I had a horrible childhood but I would be lying. I had a decent childhood with the exception of a full-time father figure……
Momma did the absolute best that she could but it’s hard for a woman to raise a boy into a man and work two jobs to put a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. How can a woman tell a boy how to be a man? She can’t because she’s never been a man.
I could blame my actions on drugs but that would be a lie as well. I did have my fair share of drugs though, with marijuana being my drug of choice. I experienced all of the other drugs as well, such as cocaine, acid, heroin and alcohol. It all took a toll on my life because I couldn’t control it, I became an addict / dopefiend. When I committed this crime, I was high on pre-mo’s (cocaine & marijuana mixed). Does that mean that this happened because I was high on drugs? NO! All this is saying is that I had an issue with drugs and alcohol.
What then was the reasoning behind my actions? I really can’t answer that because there is no legitimate reason that I could possibly state that would justify the taking of someone’s life.
Truth be told, I don’t know what was going through my mind at the time of this crime, I can’t recall my thoughts from 26 years ago.
However, when I think about the crime itself, with the aid of court transcripts, I can’t believe that I got myself caught up in this crime! In all honesty, I can’t TELL you why this happened but there is a lot more to this case then most people know and this is not a court of law.
Why then am I talking at all?
I have a story that I need to share with the world and if I can use this vehicle to reach just one person who may be in a bad place mentally, then it is my responsibility to share my experiences.
If you would like to know more, you will have to just either wait until my next posting or you can contact me directly with any further questions that you may have. Feel free to ask me anything at all and I will do my best to answer all questions.
Until the next time.
JAI’MAR SCOTT
DOC #970703
Words are powerful, the more we can connect to others and share our experiences the better understanding we’ll have of our fellow man/woman. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
Our society has a responsibility to try and understand more about what leads to violent crime. We spend so much on research into far less important issues! Thanks for your honesty Jai’mar. We all need to learn. See http://youtu.be/7Fi3EOVCvHY
I’m listening.
Jal’mar sounds to me like you’re a light worker. A light worker is someone who helps others to remember their light. Your insights and openness is beautiful.
Jai’mar, I can’t imagine what you have been through or even what you are going through now, but I appreciate your honesty, Accepting your shortcomings is the first step to being on path to building a future and “being better than yesterday.” Keep it up young brother your almost there. Stay positive and above all stay being you. There is so much out there waiting for you.
Wanda